Liz Ard

Godliza. Lizagna. Lee Zard. Queen Lizard and the Wizard Blizzard. Thizzard. Jizzard? Or just Lizard.

…As of mid June 2024, I’ve been recovering from a 30 foot pencil dive onto concrete: my greatest stunt yet. I am not in sport mode quite yet but after a necessary hiatus of “healing”, I'm back as a titanium spined, reinforced battle cyborg! Peep the mods; we are so back. Kind of like pimp mah ride without the pimp.

I am not FOR just anyone who waves some bills in my face. Despite the circumstantial context of the whole dealio, I have no interest in doing things I don’t enjoy with people I don’t like. In fact, I won’t. I shan’t. That being said, I love what I do and I hear I’m exceptional at it. If you are feeling reciprocally decent/not on some bullshit, I love you! Yall enrich my life when you’re nice to me so I enrich yours with how much softer and prettier I am in interactive 3D. Some of ✨this✨ could change your life or at bare-fuckin-minimum, make it a little more worth living. Be good to me or I will tell your mother! maybe not, but i will be very disappointed mister!

pshyah. anyway-

I party like a big boy, I’ve got the patience of a hindu cow, the femininity of a stick of dynamite. more teeth than a vestigial twin. Grown in a Petri dish from the combined amoebas of Lady Gaga+Amy Winehouse, then thrown off a moving freight train to see how well I bounce. Not great anymore- by the way- but damn they don’t make em like me anymore! Built to last, sturdy, empathetic, versatile, and spicy in all aspects. I have no problem being exactly who I am at all times with very little regard to other peoples opinions on it. And fortunately for you, I happen to be an enthusiastic little slut with a concurrently laid back disposition.

My big butt can be attributed to an unusually bountiful harvest this year. My cornucopia is fruitful. I embody absurdity and nuance in most everything I do; the triviality of the status quo is the last thing I preferentiate. I am more open minded than most, and worst of all, I am probably already into it-whatever it is. INQUIRE WITHIN MR FRIEND

ready break!

-lizard of oz